


“What The Hell Did You Do?!”

by tehfanglyfish



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Canon Era, Desperate times call for desperate measures, Deviates From Canon, Fluff and Crack, Fun-Size Arthur, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Ridiculous, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26451688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tehfanglyfish/pseuds/tehfanglyfish
Summary: To save Arthur from an angry mob, a panicked Merlin casts a shrinking spell. In the aftermath, secrets are revealed and a priestess is annoyed.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 278





	“What The Hell Did You Do?!”

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blueskysunnyday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueskysunnyday/gifts), [and_damntheconsequences](https://archiveofourown.org/users/and_damntheconsequences/gifts).



> This fic was inspired by [this tumblr post](https://and-damntheconsequences.tumblr.com/post/627742751867453440/pocket-sized-prat). And_damntheconsequencess is brilliant!!
> 
> Thank you blueskysunnyday for pointing it out to me.
> 
> Do not repost my work to other sites.
> 
> This fic generated a grand total of $0 for me and was written for the love of Camelot and its fandom. I do not claim these characters or this franchise.

“What the hell did you do?!”

Merlin failed to stifle a nervous laugh. Though his current predicament was immensely stressful, it was also quite ridiculous.

“I’ll explain later. For now, we need to keep you hidden until we’re out of town.”

“I swear to the gods, Merlin, if you don’t change me back right this instant, I’ll…”

Before Arthur could finish his threat, Merlin opened his saddlebag and shoved Camelot’s king inside, buckling the flap tight so that Arthur couldn’t escape. With Arthur safe and silenced, Merlin could relax somewhat as he rode out of the village, reflecting on what had happened and how he might fix it.

****

Merlin should have known the day would go horribly wrong when Arthur arrived at _his_ door with breakfast that morning. The king was never up that early unless he had something planned. The fact that Arthur hadn’t mentioned it the previous night at dinner meant that this was either a spontaneous plan or one so convoluted that he knew Merlin would object if given any time to think about it.

Either way, it didn’t bode well, especially as Arthur began to disrobe as soon as he’d stepped into Merlin’s room and closed the door behind him.

“Let me in your breeches.”

“Excuse me?”

It wasn’t that Merlin was opposed to Arthur getting in his trousers, but he’d never thought that Arthur felt the same way.

“I mean, I need to borrow them. To wear.” The dark crimson filling Arthur’s face was rapidly traveling down his neck, then lower.

Merlin sighed. It was way too early to have to deal with this, he decided, turning around before he got caught staring at Arthur’s body. He’d already had to stop himself from licking his lips as his eyes wandered across Arthur’s chest.

“Why?”

“So I can blend in.”

Looking back on the day, that was the point when Merlin really should have shut the whole thing down. But Merlin was still sleep-addled and flustered, and those distractions undermined his better judgment.

“Where are you going that you need to blend in?”

“ _We_ are going to a remote village to investigate the quality of life there. If I dress in your clothes, then no one will think I’m anyone of consequence…”

“Hey now!” Merlin cut in, simultaneously disappointed and relieved to have the insult snapping him out of a daydream that involved a shirtless Arthur and a warm spring meadow.

“And the people will be more open and honest. No one wants to tell the king that his policies aren’t working. Concealing my identity will help me get a better understanding of how well I’ve been serving my people.”

It was a noble plan, Merlin had to concede. Completely misguided, of course, but definitely noble. Arthur was brave and kind, but he was not a villager. Everything from the way he spoke, to the way he carried himself, to the way he interacted with others made it crystal clear that he’d never once had to push a plow or herd livestock.

Still, he looked so proud of himself for having thought it up that there was no way Merlin could bring himself to suggest that it might not work. And who knew… maybe it would.

****

It did not, though Arthur’s attempt lasted longer than Merlin had anticipated.

They did get some stares when they first arrived, but that was to be expected for any outsiders arriving in a small community. No one seemed to suspect that they were anything other than travelers passing through until Arthur somehow stepped into a courtship dispute that left him at odds with pretty much everyone in the village.

Merlin had only been gone for a minute, stepping out of the tavern to double-check that the horses were properly tied, when he stepped back in to find Arthur with numerous daggers drawn on him.

“Don’t worry,” Arthur was saying to a young woman standing behind him, “I won’t let this man abduct you.”

“I told you,” the man in question said, “it’s not a kidnapping. Kate’s running away with me of her own free will.”

“She’s doing no such thing,” another man interjected, several decades older than the first. “You’re stealing her away from her mother and me. I won’t let you take her…”

“I want to be taken,” the woman yelled over all three of them while trying to shove past Arthur. “The priestess is waiting and if we take too long, she’ll leave before…”

“You’re not marrying Roger and that’s the end of it. If you don’t go home to your mother right now,” the older man bellowed, “you’ll regret the day you were born.”

“I’ll keep you safe,” Arthur said to her. “You can come with me back to…”

“She’s not going anywhere with you,” the two men yelled in unison, their previous dispute set aside so they could unite against the new interloper that was Arthur. “Let’s get him!”

The bride-to-be sighed in frustration as the entire tavern jumped to its feet. There was no way the eloping couple would make it to the priestess on time thanks to the brawl that was about to begin.

That was someone else’s problem, Merlin decided. Right now all that mattered to him was how to keep Arthur from getting pummeled. He might be Camelot’s greatest knight, but there was no way he could take on the entire village unarmed. Merlin could hear him trying to explain that the whole thing was a misunderstanding, that he was the king, but the mob refused to believe him.

Thus far no one had paid much attention to Merlin. He might have spent a decade in Camelot, but his childhood and adolescence had been spent in a village. So long as no one remembered that he’d rode in with Arthur, he had an advantage, blending in with the others, trying to edge his way toward Arthur under the pretense of taking part in the fight.

Merlin was making up his rescue plan as he went along, not quite sure of what he would do when he reached Arthur. His mind raced through various scenarios, but no outcome seemed favorable without the use of magic. It wouldn’t do to simply blast the crowd; that would be a nightmare for relations between the village and the government, especially since Arthur had inadvertently escalated things.

What to do, what to do?

As a tankard flew past Arthur’s head, Merlin realized he was running out of time. A shove from behind caused him to topple to the floor. The crowd was charging Arthur and, panicking, Merlin cast the first spell he could think of.

“Where is he?”

“Where did he go?”

“He just vanished.”

“He must have been a sorcerer.”

“A sorcerer, trying to steal my Kate. I can’t believe it. It’s a good thing you were here to keep her safe, Roger. I think maybe my wife and I judged you too harshly. Why don’t we head back to my house and talk things over?”

Everyone gets a happy ending, Merlin thought, as he lifted the now pocket-sized Arthur from the floor, tucking him under his neckerchief so he could slip out of the tavern unnoticed.

****

Arthur had the good sense to remain hidden in the fabric until Merlin had retrieved the horses and was heading out of town. That was when he chose to climb out and begin yelling.

From where Merlin had secured him in the saddlebag, he could still hear the king’s muffled shouts. He’d have to restore Arthur back to his normal size, of course. Camelot couldn’t do with having a king who was three inches tall. Unfortunately, righting the situation would leave Merlin with a lot of uncomfortable explaining to do.

They were close to the border. Should he keep riding, restore Arthur in a neighboring realm where magic was legal, then head off into the sunset of a self-imposed exile? That would mean never seeing Arthur again, which would hurt, but not as much as having Arthur tell him to piss off forever.

Earlier this morning he’d been daydreaming about kisses and love confessions. Now he was about to say goodbye forever. But at least Arthur was safe. That was all that had ever mattered. Why should things change here at the end?

As they approached a clearing, Merlin stopped. He wouldn’t cross the border with Arthur. That was too dangerous. Instead, he’d take Arthur out, magic him back to his normal size here, then go on his way.

“Ow!”

“If you drop me, you will be in more trouble than you can possibly imagine.”

“If you don’t want to be dropped, then don’t go around biting people.”

“Well what else can I do? I’m the size of a mouse, Merlin. It’s not like slapping you will do any good.”

Merlin set Arthur on a tree stump and peered down at him.

“Laugh and you’re dead.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

That much was true. In spite of how comical Arthur looked, Merlin couldn’t laugh, not with what was to come after Arthur was restored.

“Now tell me how you did this.”

“Like you don’t know.”

“I do. But I want you to tell me.”

“I used magic.”

“Powerful magic?”

“Yes.” Merlin choked out the word, his throat dry.

“The kind my father would have said could only be possessed by an evil sorcerer bent on destroying Camelot?”

“Arthur, I would never…”

“I know that, Merlin. I’m three inches tall and my only defense is to bite you. If you wanted to harm me, you wouldn’t need magic at this point. You should have told me.”

“I wanted to tell you but…”

“But I didn’t repeal the laws. Well, that’s about to change.”

“Really?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for years. Why else do you think I’ve stopped enforcing them? But we can talk about that later. Magic me back.”

Merlin hesitated for a moment, then did as Arthur asked. There had to be a catch. The whole thing seemed too perfect. The only way it could get better was if…

“My ridiculous, beautiful sorcerer,” Arthur said, now standing at his normal height in front of Merlin. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Beautiful?”

“Gorgeous,” Arthur replied, tracing a finger along Merlin’s jaw. “I saw you staring at me this morning. It’s not the first time I’ve caught you looking, you know. And it only seems fair that if you share a secret with me, that I should share one with you.”

“Which is?” Merlin’s heart felt like it would beat out of his chest, but he didn’t dare get his hopes up.

“I like it when you watch.”

Arthur’s tone, the soft look in his eyes, the way he was cupping Merlin’s cheek – what else could Merlin do but kiss him? He’d obviously made the right choice, as Arthur kissed him back, matching his enthusiasm as he pulled Merlin close, clinging to him as if he’d wanted this just as much and for just as long as Merlin had.

“Oh for the goddess’s sake,” a voice called from behind them. “You young people have no patience. Can’t keep your hands off each other long enough to wait for the ceremony.”

They turned around to see an older woman standing in the clearing, wearing the robes of a high priestess of the Old Religion.

“Fine. If you don’t care about rituals, then neither do I. With the power bestowed on me by the Triple Goddess, I now pronounce you married. You may seal your bond however you wish. Just give me a head start. There are some things I don’t need to see.”

Then she turned and hobbled off into the trees, muttering to herself about being late for dice with Agnes.

“Did she just…?” Merlin asked.

“Does that mean we’re…?” Arthur replied.

“We’ll figure it out later,” Merlin said. “For now, let’s just…”

He pressed his lips gently against Arthur’s.

“Yes,” Arthur agreed. “Let’s.”

Then nothing more was said for some time, as Merlin and Arthur found far better uses for their tongues than talking.


End file.
